Dilemma of Saying "NO"

I proudly say that I made to one of the most famous social platform "https://www.feedspot.com/" as Top 100 Women Blogs. I heartily thank you everyone to appreciate it. For more detail, you all can refer to https://blog.feedspot.com/women_blogs/. In fact, this achievement motivates me to write more about "Womenhood" and never say "NO" to writing and expressing myself through this means.

There has been lot of stages in women's life, where, they said "NO" to there wants , needs , likes and opportunities. In addition, in their daily life they struggle in saying "NO" to their loved one's. We all struggle in lot of situations, with a dilemma of saying "NO". I myself experience it on daily basis and struggle with it.

"NO" in itself holds a big meaning. It needs courage to say "NO" in many situations. Today, I want to express one of my experience here which always make me land into hurdles. 

Everyday I have to fight with saying "NO" to my loved one in a situation where I want to stop him from taking wrong steps like unhealthy eating. My husband is foodie. He loves food and craves for it. Unfortunately, he needs to follow a restricted diet. I know that is sad. A person loves eating but can't eat. Everyday, its a challenge that I face of reminding him of not to eat anything unhealthy. And honestly, saying "NO", when he is craving for it, is a biggest challenge. Being a human , if we stop anyone too much and restrict them, they tend to get irritated and frustrated. And ultimately, that irritation and frustration comes out on your loved one's. But sometimes its also makes your relationship weak. Yes, it is very difficult to tackle such situations. Most of the times it ends up in a fight.

Many times it does happen, that we feel helpless and upset, when we are not successful in stopping our loved one's from doing wrong thing. Our mind runs into multiple directions and feels dull and confused. When such challenges takes a direction of frustration, helplessness and tender relationships, it makes you weak and difficult to cope up. In fact, we give up and start moving into opposite direction. Unfortunately, that is leading to more complexities ahead of you.

In above situation, that I go through on daily basis, my brain gets tired of thinking how to handle such situation, that too on daily basis. An emotional side of my brain is connected to that person and feels upset about him. Whereas, practical side of my brain forces me to STOP him and say NO, because I know a wrong step today is piling up challenges for us in future. A healthy living is much needed out here, and one small step towards unhealthy areas, can makes us land up in bad situations. Everyday, this struggle of my life makes me feel tired and it does happen, I totally give up. But I am connected to that person, and ultimately cannot leave him like this. 

Although, I am still struggling to find solutions to it and existing into mess presently. But trying my best to find a solution to handle it in a better way. In fact, looking forward for you guys to tell me, how we can creatively say "NO" and work towards the best.

Emotional or Practical?

Last evening, while talking to one of my relative, I had a discussion on people being more practical nowadays instead of being an emotional person. In today's time, majority of people make decisions more practically rather than emotionally. Especially, in terms of relationships. But I am an exception to this.

My relationships has always been on more emotions and less practicality. My strength is that I believe in making others happy. I am happy when I stand by a person irrespective of bullet proof facts and figures.

I know, there are very less people left out there, thinking the same. But I also know that everyone in this world made a decision emotionally rather than being practical, at least once in their life. I don't know about the end result, but yes it is good to make decisions emotionally sometimes, assuming some good qualities of the counterpart.

I believe there are lot of women out there, who married a person irrespective his financial status, physical health, education and much more. There are lot of women who leave their jobs once they become a mother, because they are emotionally connected to their child now. There are lot more decisions like this, made by women in their life. Women are strong and they believe in giving their life to other person. For them, the life is people with whom they are connected. They believe in relationships and putting their best towards it.

Every morning is a new morning for a women. Each day the thought starts with planning a day for her family. She firstly thinks of doing work related to her family and then if she gets time and still holds energy, thinks about her task list. My morning also starts with it. Every morning I list down the tasks to be done by me for my family. But these thoughts holds lot of "ifs" and "buts". Like what should I serve for breakfast? If I prepare this, he might not like it. But it's healthy for him. Once I am done with this fight in my brain and successfully prepare it, side by side the thoughts are running about Lunch preparation. With that, other thoughts in relation to ordering the household things, washing clothes and much more. And if you are a working women, it piles up more. A women brain is multi-tasking. It keeps on working day in and day out. It never stops its thought process.
I experienced that a women works hard both physically and mentally. The stress levels are high. And if you notice here, all thoughts and decisions are made being emotional. She is emotionally connected to her family and cares about them.

We all most of the times make Emotionally dominating decisions, whether we agree or not. But at the back of our mind its emotions which makes us take all these decisions. And honestly, emotionally made decisions needs much more strength to sail your boat.

I Am Not Perfect Too !!

We always pat on our back whenever we successfully handle one of the mess on our plate. We think we are perfect. But the wind changes and lands up another mess on your plate. I am not saying that the life is demotivating or full of hurdles always. I am saying nothing is perfect. I as an individual is also not perfect.

We all have internal struggles and personal challenges. Perfection is a goal that will forever remain impossible for any human being to achieve.

But I as a women see an expectation in other's eyes. It starts with a story being a teenage girl to a wife and to being a mom. At every stage of womenhood, we are expected to be "Perfect". A small mistake points a finger on our character, on our identity and there are lot of them around us, who will let us down for all these mistakes, each and every moment of your life.

Everyone has a history. Everyone must have done some mistake in their lives. Irrespective, a women is always seen as a pot full of mistakes, although the number of mistakes actually done are few in number.

When I got married, my in laws family had an expectation that I will take care of my husband well being, his health and his happiness. But why do they forget that its been just a short period of time that I am with him. His nature of attraction towards any thing that harms him and his health will not go so easily. In this course of life, they will never change their behavior of conduct instead. For them he is still a kid, and continue serving what is not prescribed and say with a big smile, "Its Love". Damn!! Please grow up. And now if his health deteriorates, I am always expected to push him to eat healthy, focus on his lifestyle and bla bla bla. They expect me to be perfect in handling this. But how?? If I do not get any support from his family and people around him, how could I really make it happen.

And this is just one experience. I have a long list of them. Honestly, being a human I also get tired, I also have emotions and get hurt. But still I try to do as much as possible. Start a day with a shout and go to bed with a shout. Always making me realize, I am just imperfect!!

Sadly, Imperfection is a mirror what is shown to me each and every day. But fact is no one is perfect. I am also not perfect. We women just work hard day in and day out to make things perfect for our loved one's. And yes sometimes, we do make few mistakes. But all our good doings cannot takeover such a small mistake.

I believe there are lot of women out there reading this and thinking about their moments of other people letting them down. Feel free to express here.

A Big Question Mark??

We all listen to, "Women are equal to Men". But is that true? 

We do live in 21st Century, but still there are lot of women out there, who are struggling. Either they are tortured physically or mentally. I believe still there is a big question mark about women respect and comfort.  

Today I am starting writing about this life from my viewpoint. I am here to express what I feel and what experiences I hold. My motive to write this blog is to give a platform to those women who are not able to express themselves anywhere. I want everyone to open up and feel free to express. Here, there is no one to judge you. Feel free to bring your heart out here.

Many times I felt that I am alone. I have no one around me to whom I can express myself. There is a web of fear which stops me to speak out. A fear of express exists!! And this leads to mental torture. I feel dull and feel like shutting my mouth for always. There has been always a confusion in my mind of expressing things. I always think, "Should I talk to my parents?", "Should I talk to my husband?" or "Should I talk to my best friend?". But these question marks, never turns up to any answer. 

If I go to my parents, they will become tense and finally say, "you are a girl, you need to adjust". 

If I go to my husband, he will run on his assumptions and try to prove me wrong as always. And finally the conversation will end up in big shout, again hitting my mind. Because I have a fear of people raising loud voice and always shouting.

If I go to my best friend who lives in The United States, she might give me an emotional support but then if a person whom I am expressing about gets to know about it, will again let me down and shout...

We all struggle in some or the other way. Sometimes, we have to be quiet to save our relationships, We easily forgive a person who did a mistake but eventually tortured us mentally. We don't hold any right to say, "We are sad today and thus can't smile." But no you have to forcefully, because ultimately a discussion will prove that I am upset because I only did something wrong. 

Emotions are like that. Few of them speak out, few express by faces and few just display a question mark on their face which says, "Their neural network is also confused, and do not know what to say and what to express." But yes it knows that it is hurt. And getting out of that and giving a smile will take little time. In these moments we feel like crying loudly, but mind you there, you don't have right to that also.

With that, I believe there are lot of women out there are trapped in a web of this fear and struggling to express themselves. Please speak up here, it might help!! Because honestly, I am feeling light heart after expressing few of my feelings out here.

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