A boundary defines a line drawn between two entities. And this is the same boundary that I am talking about in terms of relationships. A relationship in which a women enters after a marriage. Yes, a boundary between her and his family.
I am a married woman. In these years of my marriage I have realized that today also, in Indian culture, women has to live in divide and rule culture. A culture where after marriage a women has to cut off majorly from her family, from her parents. Every time a women has to struggle for a decision whom to choose, his family or her family. And most of the times, a woman has to go with HIS family. And that's the saddest part I want to pen down here.
Its been 1 month that I moved to my family's town. Its been after 12 years of my life that I am staying closer to my family. But still unfortunately I am far away from them. I want to share my experience and one of the situation that I faced.
2nd October, my nephew turned 5 months old. Due to lockdown, I didn't even see him when he was born and didn't get a chance to express my love towards him. On 2nd October, there was a chance to be happy and do a get together with my family on this happy day when my nephew was stepping into his 6th month. Its is so good to see your kid growing every day. I was very much excited to be there with my family along with my in laws family. They all were cordially invited for this small gathering to celebrate together and be together. They with all gratitude invited my in laws family. In fact my father did turn up to take all of us along. But my father in law denied going with him and in front of him said " We all will come in evening. " I said OK and asked my dad to leave by giving him a confirmation that we will come in evening and I will carry a cake too. While leaving my dad said , " You all get clothes and stay one night with them". I knew my husband will deny it. Thus, I didn't reply to his request. I entered home and my father in law told me that my husband i.e. his son won't be able to stay there at night given current running health conditions. The actual reason was that he was not comfortable staying there. I straight forwardly asked him that, and he had no answer and started smiling. I knew they won't stay. I was OK with it. But this time at least I was in a notion that he will come along to my house in evening. That day my husband had to go for his medical treatment and thus, was expected to join us for the gathering little late. But this time, my family was eagerly waiting for my father in law to be part of this gathering.
Now, it was around 1pm when my father in law started making reasons of not going to my house. He now made a reason that he will go with my husband to hospital. He knew very well that a medical treatment will end by 8:30 PM and they will reach my house by 9:30 PM or 9:45 PM. And, I am sure this is not the evening timings. There was no requirement of him joining my husband for his treatment and if it was, he should have denied joining my family gathering in evening to my father. And to add on, this event was organized given we all were available that day, especially my father in law and myself, given a national holiday. And there was a small reason to be part of their happiness which they wanted to celebrate with me and my in laws family.
This was not the first time he did this way. It has been since start, the day when we all met to discuss about my marriage. He used to call my family and say, he is coming today to discuss about marriage thing. But then in evening we used to get a call, that he is not coming. He did this, 4 times initially. And this behavior pissed us off.
The worst part of this incident on 2nd October was that it was pre-informed to him and he never denied on that day. The day it was an event, he started making stories.
This time I wanted to be there with my family because I was living these moments after such a long time, a family event. But he made every thing flow in water. Being a women, it won't look good that I go to my house without them, given my family was waiting for all of them. They were looking forward to meet my father in law and share their happiness with him. And the end of the story was that they had to do this event without me. I took a harsh step and had to call them and say that we won't be able to make up. They understood that my in laws family was avoiding being there. And I was shattered. I felt that after marriage girl's emotions totally gets thrashed and her happiness being part of even small happiness of her family doesn't make sense to her in laws.
I am sure, the emotional stress through which I am going through, my parents are also sailing in same boat. They badly want to be with me and see me be part of their every small happiness as a family. But, this behavior from my in laws is building a boundary between my family and his family.
A series of such events has led to me not trust my in laws and now I am finding out ways to go alone and be with my parents. I know they won't like this, but due to my current situations I want to be with them too. Because the emotional trauma that I and my husband are going through, can be discussed with my parents only. All my emotions can be freely discussed with them.
Current situations and behavior has led me to be emotionally weak and silent. I am not able to share any of my feeling with anyone around me, not even my husband.
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